The Temple of George W. Bush

A place for the veneration of images of our Dear Leader.

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Saturday, March 29, 2003

ToGWB Liturgical Calendar

Your unworthy Prophet has determined that the cultus of Dear Leader should adopt a Liturgical Calendar, since it is becoming a Major World Religion thanks to its vigorous, well-armed Missionaries.

By following the Calendar, the reflections of the Faithful will be focused on various miraculous events in the life of Dear Leader. Unlike some religions, there are no fasting days in the ToGWB Calendar.

March 2Feast of the Blessed CommodeOn this day in 2003, Dear Leader's Blessed Visage appeared in your unworthy Prophet's sanitary appliance.
March 18Feast of the CoronationOn this day in 2003, Dear Leader was crowned Emperor of the World.
May 27Feast of the Close CallOn this day in 1968, young Dear Leader received a "special appointment" (courtesy of some family friends) to a Texas National Guard Unit, sparing him the dangers of service in Vietnam.
July 6 (even years)EpiphanyOn this day in 1986, at the tender age of 40, Dear Leader accepted Baby Jesus into his heart and suddenly stopped boozing and snorting cocaine.
July 6 (odd years)Dear LeadermassDear Leader's birthday! Believers under age 40 are encouraged to celebrate by boozing and snorting cocaine.
August 1Feast of the LiberationOn this day in 1972, young Dear Leader liberated himself from his National Guard unit by deserting and being suspended and grounded from flying duty.
August 15Blessing of the Dry Oil WellsDuring his days as a businessman, Dear Leader couldn't find oil in Texas. This suggested he was better suited for another job, such as Emperor of the World.
September 4Feast of the DWIOn this day in 1976 Dear Leader was cited for driving while intoxicated. It taught him a valuable lesson, and he pledged he would never be held accountable for anything ever again.
December 12Feast of the TransfigurationOn this day in 2000, the Five Blessed Justices transfigured Dear Leader from pathetic failure into the greatest leader history has ever known. Not one of them had the stomach to sign the decision.

posted by grytpype at 12:09 AM

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