Dearest Bretheren, after consultation with the Holy Spirits (gin, mostly), I now promulgate the following Credo.
I believe that Dear Leader was appointed by Almighty God to be the President of the United States and Leader of the Free World. Anyone who loves God and America must equally love Dear Leader. Anyone who does not confess both his legitimacy and his holiness is a blaspheming traitor.
I believe Dear Leader always speaks the truth, although sometimes the truths he espouses are so sublime and esoteric they appear to be putrid, baldfaced lies to those without understanding. Whosoever questions the least of Dear Leader's pronouncements is a blaspheming, bitter, treasonous lunatic.
I believe that every policy of Dear Leader is a work of unimaginable genius and an unqualified success, except for certain minor details that no one could possibly predict or control. I believe that there is no need to examine Dear Leader's decisions, because Dear Leader never makes mistakes. What appear to be colossally stupid blunders on his part are actually stupendously wise strategic moves beyond the comprehension of lesser beings. I believe that anyone who questions Dear Leader or seeks to hold him or his Holy Administration accountable is a treasonous, bitter, partisan, blaspheming, crazy liar.
I believe that only Dear Leader can make America prosperous and safe from terrorists. Anyone who thinks he could do a better job is a lying, bitter, treasonous, crazy, flipflopping, partisan, greedy, blaspheming terrorist-lover.