Because we are going through the motions of having an election this year, Dear Leader will visit your town or village. Yes, it is very exciting, but there are a few things you must know.

Only those who truly love Dear Leader deep in their hearts can be admitted into his presence. If you are not among the chosen, remain in your home with the lights out, and stay well away from any windows until Dear Leader is long gone. Use the time to think about what is wrong with you, and how you can love Dear Leader more.

If you are among the Blessed Few to be allowed in to the Presence, you must conduct yourself with utmost holyness. When Dear Leader enters the room, you must applaud with all your strength. Don't be the first one to stop applauding, or you may not like what happens next. When Dear Leader speaks, listen reverently, and smile, smile, smile. Resist any urge to shout out remarks like "bullshit" -- I don't need to tell you what will happen to you otherwise!

You may be asked to speak to Dear Leader. If so, you will be provided with what to say, which will involve praising Dear Leader for creating so many jobs in your town and protecting it from terror attacks. Do not deviate from your script in any way.

And you are not to use the following expressions in any way while Dear Leader is visiting:
Crooked Liar
Lying Crook
Potemkin President
C-plus Augustus
President Gump

posted by grytpype at 5:55 PM