Dearest Bretheren, I was blessed tonight to be given a message for the Faithful.

The call came late this evening. Dear Leader's voice was hoarse with sanctity and it boomed and rolled like he was talking through an empty whiskey bottle. He remembered the nickname he gave me (Shithouse Rat), which of course gave me much gratification.

He asked me "how it was hanging." He then revealed unto me that he had an urgent message which must be delivered to those who believe in him... in his divine annointment... and in his infallibilty.

Here, as usual unedited by profane hands, is Dear Leader's Message to his Church:

My children, I say America is safer, America is stronger, and freedom is on the march. And you better believe it is on the march. I was appointed by god to be president and god does not make mistakes you goddamn liberals. i go with my gut and it is always right... god speaks through me not you... so shut up...

None of this is my fault... iraq was supposed to be all over in six months why do those iraqis hate freedom so goddamn much... and the economy is clintons fault... 9/11 too... and we will get bin Laden slowly but surely we are skeaking up on him and some day he is going to turn around and it will be too late they will grab him... and i am a tough decisive leader i am not afrait to torture a few brown people for freedom not like a goddamn french liberal...

Now I want all you little shits to get your asses out to vote and when you vote you vote the straight republican ticket... or god will inflict you. i promise you that.

And if the damn liberal media says the other guy won I want all you faithful believers to go down to your local TV news station in white robes, with a can of gas and a lighter... and i am not talking about burning the TV station you are goin to be burning yourselfs in grief... and throwing your burning bodies into the station so they know you would not want to live in a world without your dear leader... can you imagine living in a world without me...