tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51173842011-08-24T09:04:53.152-04:00The Temple of George W. BushA place for the veneration of images of our Dear Leader.grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.comBlogger601100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-1115130923827118382005-05-03T10:34:00.000-04:002005-05-03T10:49:15.353-04:00A Message from Dear LeaderDearest Bretheren, I have news of great joy... we know how Dear Leader has appeared among us in miraculous forms... He now wishes the Faithful to know he will use the internets to communicate directly to those who believe in Him.It is His will that all Believers read Your Daily Thought from Dear Leader on a regular basis.grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-1106247410164255792005-01-20T12:01:00.000-05:002005-01-20T13:56:50.163-05:00He is Risen.
grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-1099363322341237862004-11-01T21:05:00.000-05:002004-11-01T21:45:38.506-05:00A Message from Dear Leader
Dearest Bretheren, I was blessed tonight to be given a message for the Faithful.
The call came late this evening. Dear Leader's voice was hoarse with sanctity and it boomed and rolled like he was talking through an empty whiskey bottle. He remembered the nickname he gave me (Shithouse Rat), which of course gave me much gratification.
He asked me "how it was hanginggrytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-1094182201435124152004-09-02T23:14:00.000-04:002004-09-02T23:49:27.683-04:00To Disbelieve is to Burn (Maybe)
Believers, of late I have heard from many of you who are being tested in your faith in Dear Leader. This is very distressing -- I need not remind you that doubt in Dear Leader is a severe offense against God Almighty. Nevertheless, in the interests of rejuvenating your adherence to our holy religion, I will put the argument for Belief.
Dear Leader claims that grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-1088653720026084712004-06-30T23:31:00.000-04:002004-08-06T01:47:16.653-04:00Optimism
Good evening True Believers. Today's sermon is on optimism.
Optimism is the belief that all is for the best and that this is the best of all possible worlds. The philosophic argument for optimism is that an infinitely good, benevolent, and powerful Creator would not make less than the possible best world. Or in other words, no matter whatever evil we may think we see, the overall grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-1087626344064531492004-06-19T08:57:00.000-04:002004-06-19T02:34:14.216-04:00Miracles
Welcome, dearest Bretheren.
This morning's sermon is on Miracles. A miracle is the violation of the divine, immutable, eternal laws of nature. Dear Leader's administration is a "continuous miracle," as we say in theology.
Definition of miracle from Voltaire, Philosophical Dictionary... sorry, no link
grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-1086308350663813842004-06-03T20:14:00.000-04:002004-06-03T20:19:10.663-04:00Visit the ToGWB Gift Shop!
Do you love Dear Leader? Can you not get enough of his infinite wisdom? Do you tremble in awe at the might bestowed upon him by Almighty God?
Show your love with an item from the Temple of George W. Bush Gift Shop. We offer a Blessed Mug, bearing the image of the Sacred Commode on the front and the Names of Dear Leader on the back. We also have a portrait sticker grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-1086141462901656642004-06-01T21:41:00.000-04:002004-06-02T16:39:03.096-04:00Barbeque Unto the World
Dear Bretheren, today we celebrate another step toward fiscal salvation, as we officially launch The Temple of George W. Bush Barbeque Grill and Family Restaurant, with six locations in and about the Greater El Paso Area.
Dear Leader himself has taken time out of his very busy job of being the World War President to endorse The Temple of George W. Bush Barbeque Grill and grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-1085676699102554002004-05-27T12:25:00.000-04:002004-05-27T22:57:25.233-04:00The Shrine of the Blessed Commode
There has been much curiosity amongst the Faithful about the planned Shrine of the Blessed Commode, which will soon rise over the Texas plain.
To commemorate Dear Leader's victories over the Assyrians, Sumerians, Mesopotamians, and Babylonians, the Shrine will be constructed as a full-scale replica of the famed Ziggurat of Ur, known to the ancient Heathen as grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-1084842060642082392004-05-17T20:16:00.000-04:002004-05-18T01:33:51.633-04:00Your Prophet Needs Money
Dearest Bretheren, I come to you today with an urgent appeal. The Temple is in dire need of your financial help.
In addition to bearing the significant costs of sending me to distant parts of the Globe to spread the good news of Dear Leader, in recent months the Temple has entered into, shall we say, a fiscal purgatory due to forces largely beyond our control.
Our grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-1083785038757287592004-05-05T15:23:00.000-04:002004-05-08T23:45:40.810-04:00Welcome to Bushtown!
Dearest Bretheren,
Are you tired of being persecuted for your beliefs? Do people laugh at your Dear Leader portrait badge? Do you sometimes hear Unbelievers refer to Him as "President Post Turtle" or "Dim Son?"
Well, your troubles are over! Finally, there's a place where Believers can always feel at home. The Temple of George W. Bush Agricultural Project, also known as grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-1083002250130916292004-04-26T13:57:00.000-04:002004-04-26T14:04:38.623-04:00More Forbidden Names
Your Prophet has received a bull from the White House forbidding the Faithful to refer to Dear Leader using any of the following terms:
Blotchy
Bogus POTUS
The Pretendident
President Evil
Spurious George
His Simian Majesty
Felonious Monk
Toxic Texan
Gutless Wonder Boy
George WTF Bush
The Son King
Jeenyus at Werk
Dopey Dub
President Doorknob
Flubya
Geeeeee Duuuuuhhhhh
Our grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-1080880149486699892004-04-01T23:29:00.000-05:002004-04-26T14:05:03.653-04:00The Miraculous Appearence of the Blessed Visage
Faithful Believers, I just realized that I have never fully told the story of the first miraculous appearence of the Blessed Visage of our Dear Leader.
For reasons which are not necessary to go into at this time, I live alone. My housekeeping is about average for a bachelor. I noticed that the stain on the interior of my commode was beginning to grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-1080584406530882442004-03-29T13:20:00.000-05:002004-03-29T15:26:58.140-05:00The Crawford Credo
Dearest Bretheren, after consultation with the Holy Spirits (gin, mostly), I now promulgate the following Credo.
I believe that Dear Leader was appointed by Almighty God to be the President of the United States and Leader of the Free World. Anyone who loves God and America must equally love Dear Leader. Anyone who does not confess both his legitimacy and his holiness is a grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-1080270445281690762004-03-25T22:07:00.000-05:002004-03-26T00:03:11.560-05:00Dear Leader is not to be Doubted
Good evening, Brothers and Sisters.
Many Believers have been asking me about the horrible things that are being said about Dear Leader. Things such as:
He doesn't like to read a lot - not terribly interested in analysis. He is very interested in getting to the bottom line. Once he's done he puts a lot of strength behind pushing it, but there's not a lot of grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-1079671295592546702004-03-18T23:41:00.000-05:002004-03-18T23:45:00.576-05:00Speaking in Tongues
Believer kentuck recently posted the following tribute to Dear Leader on Democractic Underground. I will reproduce it here in full as a reminder of Dear Leader's exemplary virtues.
[Dear Leader] is simply so brilliant that America cannot help but follow his leadership. His judgment is so trusted because his intelligence is unquestioned. It would be a very rare occasion that grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-1079304941181826502004-03-14T17:55:00.000-05:002004-03-14T22:06:50.326-05:00Dear Leader is Coming to Your Town!!!
Because we are going through the motions of having an election this year, Dear Leader will visit your town or village. Yes, it is very exciting, but there are a few things you must know.
Only those who truly love Dear Leader deep in their hearts can be admitted into his presence. If you are not among the chosen, remain in your home with the lights out, grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-1078363293121612762004-03-03T20:21:00.000-05:002004-03-14T22:06:04.856-05:00Only Dear Leader Can Protect Us
It is very distressing that Dear Leader is being opposed in the General Election. Dear Bretheren, do not be fooled by this vile beast sent forth by Satan to lead America away from the True Path.
Dear Leader was appointed by Almighty God to protect America and keep it safe. God even allowed 9/11 to happen to remind us all how much America needs protecting. If grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-1076975975409998022004-02-16T18:59:00.000-05:002004-02-16T21:37:17.670-05:00We Must Praise Dear Leader
We are very grateful for Dear Leader, and it is the duty of all young Americans to learn how to honor him properly.
Wear your Dear Leader portrait badge with reverence! Do not be caught outside your home without it, or it will be a long time before you see your mommy and daddy again.
If you hear one of your little friends refer to Dear Leader as "Commander in Chimp" grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-1075664336935920072004-02-01T14:38:00.000-05:002004-02-01T15:22:45.153-05:00The Last Day
My prophecy that Dear Leader will be taken from us on January 20 hence has caused an outpouring of grief amongst the Faithful. But though I rend my garments as I post this, it is true, it is true, as of January 20 next, Dear Leader will lead us no more.
Indeed, it has pleased the Almighty to bless me with a vision of the Last Day.
At the stroke of noon on January 20, just as the grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-1075520003323153642004-01-30T22:33:00.000-05:002004-01-30T22:36:24.403-05:00More Guidance from Above
Following up on my epistle of December last, the following names are also considered blasphemous:
Disaster Monkey
President Pococurante
*
Fibber McGee
Smirky McDipshit
Our "Very Special" President
That Fucking Train Wreck
grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-1074668654105678262004-01-21T02:04:00.000-05:002004-01-30T21:38:23.840-05:00A Consoling Thought
A believer at the National Bureau of Standards points out that 2004 is a leap year - and thus we will an enjoy extra day of Dear Leader's blessed command. Is is just a coincidence that the Almighty so arranged the calendar? Even in the smallest things, we see the intervening hand of the Divine upholding Dear Leader.
grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-1074655115937664962004-01-20T22:18:00.000-05:002004-01-21T02:54:26.186-05:00The Final Year
Your unworthy Prophet was blessed to be in the audience at our Dear Leader's address. I'm the one in the back wearing the mitre and swinging an incense censor. I was originally scheduled to procede our Dear Leader down the aisle, but during dress rehersal he complained that the aroma of the smouldering oxdung incense was so overpowering he could not taste his drink.
But even nowgrytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-1071208211393815252003-12-16T00:44:00.000-05:002004-01-21T01:56:49.450-05:00The Ten Thousand Names of Dear Leader
Our Dear Leader is known by many names:
The Father of his Country
Augustus
The Right Hand of God
Honest George
Eternal Light of the Nation
The Elect of the Almighty
George the Invincible
Our Only Friend and Protector
The Deified George
Greatest of All Great Men
The Annointed One
Conqueror of Babylonia, Assyria, and Sumer
Son of the Sun and Moon
The grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-935354822003-04-30T11:24:00.000-04:002003-08-12T14:44:00.796-04:00The Gospel of Dear Leader
This weblog is getting awfully long and it's confusing for newcomers, so your unworthy Prophet will now undertake to write of those matters which have been fulfiled among us.
In November to December A.D. 2000, it pleased Almighty God to perform a series of astonishing
miracles that resulted in our Dear Leader being invested with the power of the President of the Unitedgrytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-934451842003-04-29T00:23:00.000-04:002003-04-30T02:53:36.000-04:00
Profiles of the Blessed Brothers
First-time Worshipers follow this link to the post that started it all and read upwards!
Beloved Bretheren, in the weeks since the divine revelation of the Blessed Visage, we have spoken much about our Dear Leader. But what of his Blessed Brothers? For he does have Brothers, and while they may lack the divine spark and maniacal glint that so becomes Dear Leadergrytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-934367042003-04-28T21:52:00.000-04:002003-04-30T00:18:55.000-04:00
Followup on the Wyoming Stigmatic
Earlier, your unworthy Prophet had the pleasure of reporting the appearence of the Blessed Visage in the form of a mole-like stigma on the back of a 58-year-old Wyoming woman (an unemployed hairdresser).
This afternoon I received the following update from the Wyoming Stigmatic:
All throughout Dear Leader's glorious War I watched Fox News non-stop while grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-927511292003-04-16T21:57:00.000-04:002003-04-28T22:02:10.000-04:00
Should pious frauds be practiced on the people?
The world knows that Dear Leader and his Blessed Party seized power and exercise that power by means of hundreds of absurd impostures, from rigging elections to feigning a bleeding-heart concern for the freedom of the Iraqi people. Dear Leader's official spokesperson, Ari Fleisher, can't even say "Please pass the salt" without lying. This raisesgrytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-925346802003-04-13T14:10:00.000-04:002003-04-17T17:43:12.000-04:00Heathen Uprising in San Francisco
Your unworthy Prophet has received very disturbing news from the Wrong Coast. A crowd of reprobate Heathens has toppled a statue of Dear Leader in San Francisco. The statue was a gift to the people of that city from Harken Energy Corporation, as part of their program to dispose of the tons of steel scrap left over from Dear Leader's attempts to find oil in grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-922546282003-04-08T20:16:00.000-04:002003-12-16T01:11:51.153-05:00
Regime Change 2004? Not likely!
Your unworthy Prophet apologizes for the lack of updates over the past week. I was attending a retreat for the Faithful in Dear Leader's home state of Texas, within sight of his Blessed Ranch. Attendees meditated for days in the blazing sun atop an abandoned oil derrick, and doused themselves in spiritous liquors. Needless to say, we did not have Internet grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-917206732003-03-31T12:59:00.000-05:002004-01-21T02:58:45.903-05:00Dear Leader: High or Dry?
Your unworthy Prophet has received several politely-worded inquiries from Believers wanting to know if Dear Leader has "fallen off the wagon" recently.
I will caution the Faithful that it is not advisable to inquire about such matters. The official White House position is that Dear Leader was a reeling, stinking, violent drunk in his youth, but he has been dry for a grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-915875852003-03-29T00:09:00.000-05:002003-04-03T02:30:23.000-05:00ToGWB Liturgical Calendar
Your unworthy Prophet has determined that the cultus of Dear Leader should adopt a Liturgical Calendar, since it is becoming a Major World Religion thanks to its vigorous, well-armed Missionaries.
By following the Calendar, the reflections of the Faithful will be focused on various miraculous events in the life of Dear Leader. Unlike some religions, there are no grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-915726852003-03-28T18:07:00.000-05:002004-01-20T22:37:55.200-05:00The World Embraces Dear Leader
As Dear Leader sweeps the Nations into his grasp like so many little bottles of booze from a Minibar, a benighted few Heathens cling on to their illusions of national sovereignty and self-determination.
I say unto you, the only choice is between accepting Dear Leader and denying him, inviting thereby the retribution of the Almighty.
These Heathens failed to grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-912441842003-03-23T18:07:00.000-05:002003-04-29T01:21:55.000-04:00Theological Q and A
A young Believer writes in with this theological conundrum:
What happens to the souls of the little Heathen babies who die from the Missionary work before they accept Dear Leader?-JanieP.S., I love Dear Leader!
Well Janie, that is a very good question. I passed it along to our good friend, the eminent theologian Phillip Merrill, President and Chairman of the Export-Import grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-912106852003-03-22T23:50:00.000-05:002003-12-17T00:05:55.000-05:00Heathens on the March
Your unworthy Prophet finds this hard to believe, but there are apparently enough Heathens remaining in the world to constitute themselves into a sizeable assembly. Today, millions of the poor unshriven bastards demonstrated against Dear Leader. Even in New York, over 200,000 Heathens marched down Broadway in open defiance of Dear Leader's expressed Will.
Dear grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-911415422003-03-21T14:58:00.000-05:002003-04-30T02:54:41.000-04:00Missionary activity proceeds apace
Let the Faithful rejoice! Our zealous Missionaries are covering the globe with an awesome display of Dear Leader's imperial power. At last report, 30-45 countries have submitted to Dear Leader's will, at least in writing. The others are expected to fall soon, lest they become irrelevant.
Any country that wishes to submit to Dear Leader may deliver the grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-909561502003-03-18T19:17:00.000-05:002003-04-09T00:51:04.000-04:00Coronation Day
It is with great pleasure that I announce that this afternoon Dear Leader was crowned Emperor of the World.
The Coronation was held in the National Cathedral, which had apparently been built for just such a contingency. Attending were select members of the White House inner curia, plenipotentiaries from America's remaining allies (i.e., the U.K., Spain, and Bulgaria), and your grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-909542292003-03-18T18:41:00.000-05:002003-03-25T18:47:34.000-05:00Wonderful news, Part 2!
Your unworthy Prophet has received news that what was made known to me by Revelation may soon become a reality. An official announcement regarding Dear Leader's elevation is to be made within the next 48 hours. I have been summoned to Washington D.C. to take part in some way, I have not been permitted to know all the details. Watch for updates.grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-908753862003-03-17T15:57:00.000-05:002003-03-25T18:47:57.000-05:00Wonderful news!
"God does not talk to the sane." Dear Leader and I are living proof of the untruth of that cliche.
Just as the Almighty was pleased to cause your unworthy Prophet to know of Dear Leader's anointment, He has blessed me with another revelation.
The Good News was made known to me as I was refinishing a coffee table in my poorly-ventilated Manhattan apartment. As I applied a grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-907875502003-03-15T22:26:00.000-05:002003-12-17T00:07:09.326-05:00Washington overrun with Heathens
Your unworthy Prophet returned late last night from a trip to Washington D.C. that did not turn out as planned.
I made the journey intending to present to Dear Leader a heavily soiled sanitary undergarment bearing his Blessed Visage, which had recently surfaced in a rest home for the criminally insane in Hoboken.
When I arrived in Washington I found I could notgrytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-906295502003-03-12T23:12:00.000-05:002003-04-09T00:57:25.000-04:00Blessed Swine Shocker! Recording, photo are fakes!
Your unworthy Prophet has evidence from an unimpeachable source that the Iraqi pignapping story is a hoax! Early this week I received the following encrypted email:
It's all a lie about the Blessed Swine. Please tell the world. My conscience can't take the strain any more.
The email instructed me to report to a certain Washington parking grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-903569932003-03-08T10:31:00.000-05:002003-03-17T16:19:06.000-05:00Coming soon to ToGWB: Public Display of the Blessed Commode
The clamoring of the Faithful for a glimpse of the Blessed Commode has reached such a pitch that your Prophet can no longer ignore it. And indeed, it is not my desire to deprive the Faithful of the life-changing experience of gazing on the Blessed Visage as it was originally revealed to me by Providence. But as I have said before, my grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-903252412003-03-07T17:31:00.000-05:002003-04-30T02:58:34.000-04:00My response to my common unjudicious Criticks
Sadly, I have received many emails reproving me for promoting the veneration of the image of Dear Leader. My Criticks complain that Dear Leader was not properly elected, that he is the worst President of our lifetimes, perhaps of all time, that his Administration has been an unmitigated disaster for the Nation and the World, etc.
First, although thisgrytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-902821952003-03-06T23:32:00.000-05:002003-12-16T01:18:55.840-05:00Appalling Breakthrough in Blessed Swine Mystery
Fox News is reporting at this hour that the Blessed Swine was kidnapped by Iraqi agents and is being forced to make anti-U.S. propaganda broadcasts. Fox released the photo at left, said to be taken with a hidden camera, and the following broadcast recording, allegedly by the Blessed Swine: pig1.mp3
White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-902464802003-03-06T12:04:00.000-05:002003-04-30T03:01:17.000-04:00On the subject of Stigmata
Kent B. writes in with a tale of another miraculous appearence of our the Blessed Visage:
I suffered frostbite in a freak accident on a mountain. The pain was terrible, and I didn't know why this had to happen to me. Then, when the nurse removed the bandages to change the dressing...well, at first I thought I was losing my mind. But then my eyes cleared and a beheld grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-901979572003-03-05T17:04:00.000-05:002003-04-30T02:53:13.000-04:00Urgent... the Blessed Swine has gone missing!
I have received a report that the Blessed Swine is missing from its secured pig pen. After the near-disaster caused by hordes of pilgrims descending on its former location, the sacred animal was moved to a highly secure sty in (I might as well tell you) Yorba Linda, California, birthplace of Richard Nixon. Its handler, Dr. Emil Ferbus, accompanied grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-901486612003-03-04T21:12:00.000-05:002003-03-17T16:22:25.000-05:00Coming soon to ToGWB: In the Steps of Dear Leader
Your unworthy Prophet is putting together a pilgrimage for the Faithful. Pilgrims will recreate the miraculous journey of our Dear Leader from drunken, embarrasing failure to the greatest Emperor the world has ever known. Check here for details this weekend (hopefully I'll have it done by then, it's a big project).grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-900806682003-03-03T19:52:00.000-05:002003-04-09T00:59:42.000-04:00Your unworthy Prophet venerates the Blessed Commode
In response to numerous inquiries from the Faithful: I cannot at this time allow private audiences with the Blessed Commode. My bathroom is too small to accommodate more than three Believers, and those being of a moderate size with one standing in the bathtub. I simply cannot reasonably meet the demand. I know some sort of alternative grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-900794192003-03-03T19:27:00.000-05:002003-04-30T02:56:41.000-04:00Dale Earnhardt gives way to Dear Leader
Many of the Faithful will be aware of the reports from last summer of a goat in Daytona Beach bearing the numeral 3 on its side, the number of Dale Earnhardt's NASCAR vehicle before his fiery death. The miracle drew Earnhardt fans from far and wide.
According to a recent report from his owner, Lil' Dale has undergone a transfiguration:
Lil' Dale got the grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-3901190132003-03-03T12:31:00.000-05:002003-09-26T22:22:11.110-04:00A dermato-hagiological miracle
A Believer in Wyoming reports the sudden appearence of a mole in the shape of the Blessed Visage of Dear Leader.
I was watching the war news on Fox when I felt a burning, itchy sensation on my lower back. After the broadcast I examined myself in the bathroom mirror, and saw that I had been blessed by Dear Leader's holy image. Upon beholding the Blessed Visage I grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-900572432003-03-03T11:54:00.000-05:002003-04-09T00:56:00.000-04:00
And a swine shall lead them... update
The fine people at the University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension have been very good sports about the recent unpleasantness there. My contact on the ground, Dr. Emil Ferbus, emailed the following update early this morning:
The crowds of pilgrims have gone home, and the sanitary situation is now under control. Luckily the ground wasn't frozen so we justgrytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-900319162003-03-02T23:31:00.000-05:002003-03-17T16:21:42.000-05:00The Temple's first miracle
A Believer in Fort Lee, New Jersey claims to have experienced a miracle through the veneration of Dear Leader's image on this website:
I turned off all the lights in my room so there was nothing on except the monitor, and I stared at the image of Dear Leader in the Blessed Commode for what seemed like hours. Suddenly, an all-encompassing dullness washed over my brain.grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-900154322003-03-02T17:19:00.000-05:002003-04-30T02:58:59.000-04:00On the subject of Relics
A number of relics related to the cultus of our Dear Leader are appearing on auction sites.
It is understandable that the Faithful would want to possess such objects, but one must be wary of those who would take advantage of our simple piety. This auction, for example, is obviously fradulent:
I also have seen a number of auctions for tiny spoons, straws, mirrors, grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-900044452003-03-02T12:35:00.000-05:002003-04-30T02:59:21.000-04:00Is our veneration kosher?
A young Believer in Birmingham, Alabama recently inquired whether the veneration of the image of our Dear Leader contravenes the proscription against making graven images. This is a weighty question, so I referred it to the eminent theologian Phillip Merrill, President and Chairman of the Export-Import Bank of the United States and former chairman of the board of grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-900006952003-03-02T10:45:00.000-05:002003-03-17T16:21:01.000-05:00Disaster in Nebraska
Many of the Faithful have requested the specific location of the miracles reported herein, so that they may make pilgrimage to the holy sites. At present I cannot reveal this information for fear of the crowd control problems that would inevitably ensue.
Indeed, I was too specific about the location of the Blessed Swine reported yestereve. Hundreds of thousands of the grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-899805642003-03-01T22:21:00.000-05:002003-03-17T16:20:46.000-05:00Please, no more tattoo pics. I know a lot of you Believers have Dear Leader's holy visage tattooed upon you, but that does not constitute a miraculous image worthy of veneration. And some of you should follow Dear Leader's example and get some exercise.grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-899775432003-03-01T20:56:00.000-05:002003-04-09T00:55:17.000-04:00And a swine shall lead them...
A sharp-eyed Believer from the University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension sent in this picture of what could be another miraculous image of Dear Leader, but in my opinion the picture is somewhat unclear. I have tentatively approved this image for public veneration, pending an investigation. Dr. Ferbus, please send a better picture of the putative Blessed Swine.
grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-899760322003-03-01T20:12:00.000-05:002003-04-30T02:57:01.000-04:00This Believer from Portland, Oregon reverently beholds a Sweat Sock bearing the miraculous Image. Wear it in Dear Leader's name!grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-899750572003-03-01T19:43:00.000-05:002003-04-30T01:34:33.000-04:00In answer to numerous queries from the faithful, the Blessed Commode still bears the image of our Dear Leader. I now perform all excremental functions in the nearby sink, so as not to disturb the image, which would be an act of High Treason as well as blasphemy. If anything, the image looks even more like Dear Leader than it did before.
grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117384.post-899738592003-03-01T19:08:00.000-05:002003-04-09T00:54:20.000-04:00Welcome to the Temple of George W. Bush
While not normally a person of strong religious or political conviction, recent events have opened my eyes to those spheres and to the recent confluence of them.
Our Dear Leader is officially described (with becoming modesty) as a man of simple piety and moral clarity. It is with this simple pious clarity that our Dear Leader has inextricably committed grytpypehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058874714902993209noreply@blogger.com0